Introducing Isaac Nagle Pt. 2

To The Boners It May Concern:

I group up an unathletic pipsqueak of a boy having aspirations of playing in the big game but lacking the ability. I would sit on the bench of my rec league basketball team waiting for my chance to get in and put up my usual stat line – 0/2 FG’s, ¼ FT’s, 1 point, 3 rebounds, and 2 fouls. I was deemed my team’s best defender because that’s the nice way of telling a kid that he can’t shoot for crap. But I had a fire in my bones and a desire to prove myself.

For years that fire has been smoldering under the surface of a mild-mannered yearbook advisor and minister to the youths who has waited for his ‘Rudy’ moment of being called off the bench and put into the big game. Men of Renob this is that moment. In the downfall of a giant a void is left that can only be filled by someone willing and available. In this crucial moment of your league I come, casually sliding into your DMs, and hoping to put up a respectable equivalent of my rec league stat line.

You may say “But Isaac, what experience do you have at fantasy football? How can we trust you’ll be a worthy opponent week after week?” Let me refer you to the metaphorical ring on my finger.

- This is the championship game from 5 years ago in longest tenured league, a $100 a pop league of 12 teams which I have won once in 8 seasons. Let me address a few things.

- Yes, it’s 10:49am and my phone is already down to 63%. Thanks iPhone.

- Yes, I did make the championship as the 7 seed with a 7-6 record and beat the 8 seed who had a 6-7 record by .12 points. Back then we used fractional points on yards so we didn’t get stuck with the whole one yard could equal a full point debacle.

- Yes, only 5 people contributed a like on my photo, a response on Instagram so tepid it made me rethink my priorities.

- My opponents name was creatively SkittlesTasteTheDwayneBowe, mine was OhBabyItsTheIMonkey. I’ve gotten better since.

So with money from 2012 still lining my pocket I approach this league with a confidence only champions can have. I come prepared to give it my all, wholly expecting a fresh challenge and a difficult path ahead. I thank you for your invitation, your dedication, and that dog video that made me giggle to myself alone in my office for the full two minutes.
I await our competition excitedly.

Isaac L. Nagle
General Manager